8 Social Skills We Should Remember About

If you work as a software developer, you need to spent a lot of time dealing with people.

Your workday most likely begins with an email check or Skype call, as you are interested in seeing if your workmates have something important to tell you. Then, when you write a response, the destination for your words is another person, not just another computer.

Your main priority at work is to solve problems, which is done while collaborating on projects and hanging out with other people as part of a software development team. You attend meetings during the day and get the implementation requirements from other people.

Even if you are working at a small company, or are a freelancer, you still have to deal with the non-technical people in the project that you are working on.

We spend a lot of our waking hours with our work colleagues. It is even possible that we spend more time with them than with our close family members. Becoming aware of this will help you realize the importance of having good relationships with others, especially your co-workers.

In this article, you can read some general tips that can help you improve your relationships at work, but that can be applied elsewhere as well. They are simpler to follow than the frameworks used to develop your applications, but these tips have a huge potential for return over investment.

1. Be kind

You can be the smartest and the hardest-working person you know, but when you do not have good manners or lack kindness, others in your workplace might hate collaborating with you. Not because you lack the skills and the ability to write clean and maintainable code, but because of your attitude.

No matter how frustrating a bug is, do not pout, whine, or yell toward your colleagues. Those bad manners will not be able to fix your bug. It can even harm your personal and professional relationships and make it very difficult to get back on track later on.

When you are kind, you are more likely to make a good impression on others as a human being in general. Simple acts of kindness, such as giving someone a ride to or from work, mentioning someone’s favor in front of others, cleaning up a colleague’s space that’s not your job to keep clean, etc., should be done repeatedly, despite knowing your colleagues for a long time.

Your kindness will trigger, at least, a basic human decency from your colleagues as well.

2. Be genuinely interested in your colleagues

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Try to understand if they need your help, and do not hesitate to help them. When you see that they are stressed, anxious, talk to them and show readiness to brainstorm solutions about the problems they are involved in.

Even if you cannot help them with their current task, try to encourage them with motivational phrases that can uplift them emotionally. Make them feel that they are important to the team and capable of overcoming the obstacles they’re facing and the down times they might be in. Your words alone can magically improve the mood of your colleagues.

3. Smile often

Even printing a ‘Hello world’ statement takes more time and effort than smiling and sending smiley emoticons. It may seem trivial, but smiling can lighten up the tension.Image titled 181088 19

A scientific study conducted in 2011 at the Face Research Laboratory at the University of Aberdeen in Scotland found that smiling makes you feel more attractive, relaxed, sincere, and confident. Moreover, one Swedish study published in the Scandinavian Journal of Psychology found that humans have an automatic reaction that mimics the facial expressions of those they interact with.

In other words, when you smile often, chances are that others will smile back to you as well.  This will not only make you feel better, but it also helps others that you interact with.

4. Say ‘thank you’ and ‘please’ a lot.

No matter how small a favor is, do not hesitate to say thank you. People appreciate when you are polite and grateful, and are aware of their contribution and significance in your life. This will not only make your colleagues feel better, but it will make you feel better as well, as you will know that other colleagues care about you and are willing to help you.

Gratitude can improve your physical health, mental strength, self-esteem, the quality of your sleep, and can even reduce your stress levels.

Another word that you should frequently use in your communication with your colleagues is please. When you use the word please, you are reminding the other team member that he is not forced to do something, but it would be kind, generous, and helpful of him to assist with the task that you are working on.

These simple words, no matter how insignificant they may sound, can make a huge difference once you start using them.

5. Do not hesitate to apologize

Nobody is perfect, and no matter how hard you try, you will always make a mistake here and there. No matter how small your mistake is, do not hesitate to apologize about it.

Even though it might threaten your ego to apologize sometimes, it is a crucial way to keep good relationships with your colleagues. Although you may think it will damage your reputation, by causing you to appear less confident, apologizing has the opposite effect. It will remind others that you are aware of your shortcomings and that you are humble enough to admit to them.

Short phrases like “I am sorry” or “I apologize” can strengthen your ties with your colleagues, even during unpleasant moments.

6. Do not criticize

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Criticizing is often perceived as a personal threat towards an individual’s ego, though you may not have intended to do that. As a result, it is likely that he or she may get emotional and feel offended.

A better way of pointing out your colleague’s mistake is by giving them a polite critique: Call attention to people’s mistakes without demeaning them or making it personal.

Put yourself in their shoes and observe the issue from their perspective. Politely inform the other person about their mistake. Do not point out a mistake in front of everybody; instead,do it privately. If you want to inform everybody else about a mistake that they should not be doing, do not point fingers toward people, but toward the problem.

Try to focus on possible ways of solving the problem rather than on blame. Become the person who helps people, rather than someone who belittles them.

When you help someone, you are going to feel your own sense of contributing and your own significance as well. Moreover, you can learn for yourself, and can also open doors to receiving help in future from the same colleagues that you have helped in the past.

7. Avoid arguments

We tend to think of ourselves as rational human beings, but in reality, we are emotionally driven creatures that can easily get angry. Those few moments of anger can lead to some unpleasant arguments, no matter whether you are right or wrong. Although you may be right, and protecting your opinion sounds like a good idea, arguing furiously with others is something that can dramatically ruin your relationships.


The best thing to do about arguments is to try your best to avoid them at all costs. It is not as easy as it sounds, but it can become easier with practice. Reminding yourself that most of the time there is almost no benefit from arguing, especially with your work colleagues, can reinforce the desire to keep yourself away from arguments.

8. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders

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This is something that is more relevant to team leaders or managers, but it can apply to anyone else as well.

People tend to be more inspired to work when they are challenged to do something, rather than ordered around. When you command someone to do something, their ego may come out and make the individual think that he is being oppressed or that his autonomy is being threatened.

Rather than giving a direct order, ask whether a colleague would like to work on a particular task. If there is no other available developer who can work on a particular task, and you are afraid that they may not like working on the front-end side, tell them you are worried that the team might look bad in front of the client if this feature is not present in the next meeting.

Questions like “Would you mind working overtime and finishing off this task, knowing that this is critical for our project?” are better than commands like “You cannot go home unless you get this task done.” Mention to them that they are an important part of the team, and they can help the team prove to the client that they are reliable for future projects as well, with questions such as, “Could I possibly assign this task to you, knowing that you are already experienced with these types of work?

There is a lot more to the life of a software developer than just writing code. Dealing with people is one of the key factors. Although they do not get mentioned or emphasized that much, social skills are among those few seemingly unimportant skills that can actually accelerate growth in your career. And they are much simpler to understand and put into practice than inverting a binary tree on a whiteboard.